


a thousand silhouettes

by blindinglights



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cloud has amnesia, M/M, Minor Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindinglights/pseuds/blindinglights
Summary: There’s someone calling his name.It’s muffled and far away, like they’re talking under water. He doesn’t know if he’s dreaming it. He doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not right now. The whole world feels far away, but he wants to reach out, grab a hold of it and resurface somehow. He thinks he makes a noise, but he’s not sure. The voice says, “Pick him up,” and he realizes it’s a girl's voice. He feels strong arms pick him up a moment later and then he’s being moved, but to where he doesn’t know.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 90
Kudos: 309





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! Hi! I'm going to be posting this in chapters. It's not completely finished, but I'm working ahead on chapters so I'm hoping to post with some sort of schedule (probably every Wednesday, hopefully, but definitely trying for weekly!). This is _officially_ my first zakkura fic, besides one small ficlet on tumblr. Thanks to the clack server for any help and encouragement, y'all are the best. 
> 
> Tags and rating will change as I write this.
> 
> Some info: Cloud is 21 in this. Nibelheim incident never happened at all. He stayed an infantryman the entire time.

There’s someone calling his name. 

It’s muffled and far away, like they’re talking under water. He doesn’t know if he’s dreaming it. He doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not right now. The whole world feels far away, but he wants to reach out, grab a hold of it and resurface somehow. He thinks he makes a noise, but he’s not sure. The voice says, “Pick him up,” and he realizes it’s a girl's voice. He feels strong arms pick him up a moment later and then he’s being moved, but to where he doesn’t know.

He blacks out a second later to hearing the girl say his name again, a hint of worry in her voice.

\--

He awakes to the feeling of a soft, cool cloth against his forehead. He groans and tries to push the hand away and get up, but is pushed back down. Whoever it is stops what they’re doing but doesn’t move far. He opens his eyes to see a girl sitting beside his bedside. 

“Where am I?” he asks. 

“Sector seven slums,” she replies. “Are you feeling okay, Cloud?”

“How do you know my name?” That makes the worry on her face get worse and she starts moving closer to him, but stops short. 

“We were childhood friends back in Nibelheim,” she says. “I’m Tifa, do you not remember?”

“I don’t know where Nibelheim is,” he tells her. “I don’t know who you are.” 

“Do you remember anything?” she asks. 

“My name, that’s it.” Everything else is just foggy and distant, as if it’s there but he just can’t grasp it. His head hurts and his body feels sore all over. He feels like shit, to put it simply. “I don’t remember anything at all. I’m sorry. I-”

“Hey, it’s okay. Your clothes were soaked, so Barret put you in something dry. I hope that’s okay.” She smiles, but it quickly falls. “I’m gonna assume you don’t know why that was either.”

His clothes were wet? He shakes his head because no, he doesn’t know why at all. Something must’ve happened, but the why is totally blank. 

“We brought you to my bar. Barrett lives here, actually. So you’re currently on his couch. But my landlady, she said you can stay in the apartment next to mine, if you want. I figured if you might need somewhere to stay.” 

“Thanks.” 

\--

The apartment isn’t much of anything. There’s a bed pushed against a corner of the room, a sink, and a divider where the rest of the bathroom is. When he peeks into the bathroom, it’s to see a small shower and a toilet. Tifa has an unsure, nervous smile on her face when he turns around to look at her.

“It’s not much,” she tells him. “Sorry about that. Down here in the slums, we don’t get much.” She points up. “All the nice places are up on the plate. I’m sure there’s some halfway decent places down here, but they’re few and far between, if you’re lucky.”

“It’s fine. It’s somewhere to sleep, right? It’s enough.” 

“Tomorrow we can go plateside and go shopping, but for now you should get some rest.” 

The pants fit him okay, but the shirt hangs awkwardly on him, much too big. It’s still comfortable enough for him to wear, but the idea of better fitting clothes still seems appealing. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t have any money for new clothes, though, so he doesn’t know how he’s going to buy them. He says as much and she simply waves a hand at him. 

“It’s fine, you’re my friend. You can just repay me by helping out at the bar. Sometimes Barret’s little girl Marlene needs to be watched while he runs errands, so you can help with that, too.” 

“Oh,” is all he says, and belatedly, “Thanks.”

Tifa’s already at the door, lingering for a moment before bidding him goodnight. Once she leaves, Cloud falls back onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling. 

He might not have any memory, but he thinks it’s at least good that someone found him who claims to know who he is. He’s not sure what could’ve happened if she didn’t. He wishes he had some recollection of their friendship, even just a tiny bit, so he didn’t feel like he was invading someone’s life. He shuts his eyes and tries to think, but everything remains foggy and blank. 

\--

There’s two people fighting over a dart board when he and Tifa get to the bar the next day. One guy is shoving the other, claiming he cheated at darts while the second guy is saying he’s just jealous because he managed less darts. There’s a little girl sitting on the bar and drinking out of a glass that’s almost too big for her, but she looks happy. A guy with a gun for an arm walks up to the two dart players and smacks them on the back of the head and says, “Behave, Tifa’s friend is here.”

Cloud stays lingering by the front door. There’s people standing just outside of it, talking at the tables Tifa has set up outside. He can still hear them from where he stands. He knows they’re asking about him, the fact there’s a new guy in the area. It’s the only thing preventing him from turning back around and leaving. Plus, Tifa is trying to give him a reassuring smile from where she sits next to the kid. 

The two guys who were playing darts walk over to him. One of them is grinning wide and giving him a small wave.

“Um,” Cloud says, feeling nervous.

“Hi! I’m Wedge. Tifa says you’re going to be staying awhile.”

Cloud merely nods. 

“She also says you’re going to help us out, right?” Wedge asks. 

“At the bar and maybe some errands,” the other guy says. “I’m Biggs, by the way. And that over there is Barret. He’s the one who carried you in here.” 

“Oh, thanks.” The little girl must be Barret’s daughter Marlene who Tifa had mentioned.

“There’s also Jessie, but she’s gone topside to see her parents so you’ll meet her later,” Biggs says.

A hand grabs him a moment later, and he looks to see Tifa trying to pull him out the door. She waves at them and says, “We’re going shopping! This guy here needs new clothes.” 

“Be safe, you two!”

“Will do!”

Cloud looks helplessly back as Tifa pulls him out the door.

\--

The train station is practically empty when they make their way over. The train is just as empty, and the two of them find a quiet seat toward the back. There’s a security scan halfway through the ride and he watches as Tifa tenses and then relaxes once it’s over. 

Once they make it topside, Tifa pulls him into the direction of some stores. She points at one and says, “this’ll do” before dragging him inside. Cloud makes a noise but lets her pull him in anyway. He lets her pull items off of racks and hold them up to him as she surveys how they’d look. Part of him wants to shy away from all of the attention, but he has a sneaking suspicion that she’d still find her ways.

“Back home, you’d usually just wear shirts and jeans,” she’s telling him as she sifts through a rack of pants. She holds up a pair of black jeans and sits it next to the shirt she’d found. “We’ll get you some jeans, some plain shirts, and maybe a few nicer ones?” 

“Um,” Cloud says, feeling at a loss for words. “Okay.”

She grabs a few more items before ushering him into the changing room. Every time he manages to get dressed, she calls through the door for him to come out, and he models every outfit. He gives a long suffering sigh by the third outfit, his shoulders dropping. 

“Are we almost done?” 

Tifa holds up a finger, grinning. “Almost!” She shoves another outfit into his hands and ushers him into the room. “Just try this on, then we’ll be done.” Cloud sighs, but does as told. 

Once Cloud’s shopping is done, they take a break for some food. After that, he gets dragged to other stores as she looks for new clothes for herself. 

\--

Cloud’s hands are full as they make their way back on the train. The train is fuller now, but they still manage to find a couple seats that give them plenty of room to sit their stuff down. 

A loud bang startles Cloud into looking up at the ceiling. “What was that?” 

As soon as he says that, an announcer tells them to sit tight, that it’s just SOLDIER sent to dispatch some nearby monsters and to not be alarmed by any noise. The train is still moving, but he can clearly hear two people walking around on top. Beside him, Tifa is holding tight to her bags and staring forward at the seats in front of them.

“Just like they said,” is all she says. 

Right as they’re coming out of the tunnel and close to sector seven, he sees two figures jump off of the train. He doesn’t manage to get a good look at them, but they must be the SOLDIERS that the conductor mentioned. The sun shines off of their swords on their backs. Eventually, he sees them disappear out of sight. 

Beside him, he hears Tifa mutter under her breath about SOLDIER and Shinra. 

\--

There’s not a lot down here, Cloud has noticed. There’s a few other places to get food and drinks, a small store to buy an assortment of items, and a weapon shop. Above the weapons shop is a little area that Biggs and Wedge like to hang out. (“It’s the neighborhood watch,” Biggs had explained. “We just make sure everyone’s okay. Soldiers may come through here and infantrymen, but we can’t count on them.”) Cloud’s seen plenty of the infantrymen Biggs has mentioned. They hang out by the fences, but hardly ever make any rounds in the slums, so Cloud can see what he means. 

Cloud wanders around for a little bit. He stops by a food vendor and orders some food with the little bit of money Tifa had put into his hand. After that he makes his way through the streets. There’s a little girl chasing three white cats. In another street, he sees three people playing some card game. He eventually makes his way to the train station.

It’s busy today. There seems to be more people milling about than there were last week when he went shopping with Tifa. He doesn’t know if it’s the day of the week, or what. Half of everyone is in suits as they wait for the train, the other half is just people in casual dress. None of them look happy, Cloud notes. And there’s infantrymen standing by the train tracks and attempting to calm people down.

“No need to worry, the train will be back up and running soon. There’s some monsters on the tracks up ahead, and they’ve dispatched SOLDIER to take care of it. Please calm down and wait patiently.” 

“Some of us are supposed to be at work!” one man yells. 

“The SOLDIERS have it covered,” security explains. “They’ll have it taken care of shortly.”

“They better be quick about it,” the man grumbles, but he sits back down on one of the benches, his arms crossed. 

Sure enough, they announce the train can finally leave, and Cloud watches as people start boarding the train. He doesn’t see any of the SOLDIERS at all, but he figures they probably went back on the plate.

\--

Nobody has questioned him about his memory since the first day, for which he’s grateful for. He’s caught Tifa giving him worried glances from time to time, but for the most part she just keeps quiet about it and instead focuses on everything else. There’s a lot she needs to do for the bar and on top of it she helps out the sector seven slums, selling water filters. Sometimes, even, her and everyone else will go downstairs to have a private talk. It always leaves Marlene with Cloud, who has finally started warming up to him. 

He has no idea what their private talks are about, but he figures two things. One, it’s none of his business. And two, whatever it is must be important. He’s just going to leave them to it. He has a roof over his head and is able to take care of himself, not to mention he has his own problems to deal with right now, so he’s content to just let them have their secrets. 

Marlene is rambling about what she did today with the little girl who has the cats when everyone starts coming back up from the basement. There’s worry etched across each of their faces, but Barret lights up like a flipped switch when he sees Marlene, scooping her up in his arms like there’s nothing wrong.

Cloud keeps cleaning the glasses and lets everyone be.

\--

When he’s alone with his thoughts, tucked away in the dark of his apartment, he wonders if he’ll ever get his memory back. 

\--

Cloud is wiping down the bar when Biggs corners him one day.

“I’m gonna need your help,” is the first thing out of his mouth. 

“Yeah? With what?” Cloud asks. 

“There’s an orphanage in the sector five slums. I used to be in charge of it, but now I just help them out. I’m doing a delivery, but I’m going to need some help carrying everything since we’ll be going on foot.”

Cloud nods. A delivery doesn’t sound too bad. Plus he hasn’t explored past sector seven yet, except when he went topside with Tifa. Maybe it’ll be good for him to go other places. Maybe it’ll help jog his memory, although he’s worried that’s unlikely. 

“When are we going?” 

“Tomorrow. Meet me by my place and we’ll head out. Let’s say, whenever you manage to wake up. It’s no rush at all, just whenever we can get over there.” 

“Okay, yeah, I can do that.”

“Thanks, Cloud, you’re the best.”

\--

It’s a little bit of a walk to get to sector five. They have to go through a giant gate that leads into a park. From there, they turn left and make their way through an area that Biggs calls Wall Market. All the shops are closed. Biggs had said they’re only open at night and that the whole place is lit up bright neon and lively. He wonders, briefly, what it must look like. They quickly cut across down to a trail that winds around until they reach a residential area. There’s a few shops, but most of them look to be homes. There’s kids running around everywhere and one of them stops in front of them. 

“Hi, Biggs!”

“Hey, Oates. You kids doing okay with your studies?” Biggs asks. 

“We have school work to do in a little bit,” the kid says. “But right now we’re doing our rounds.”

Biggs laughs and ruffles the kid’s hair. “Keep up the good work.” 

“Who’s this?” Oates asks, eying Cloud. 

“He’s my new delivery helper,” Biggs says. “This is Cloud.”

“Hi, Cloud! Nice to meet ya.” 

“Oh, yeah, nice to meet you, too,” Cloud says. “Uh, keep up the good work.” 

The kid laughs and says his thanks, before running off to where a group of other kids are. Biggs turns to him. “They’re from the orphanage. Good kids. I used to help until I put it into the hands of the ladies. They lost their parents when the plate fell, though they were too young to really remember it. They try to guard the place with the neighborhood watch, mostly to help old ladies.” 

Cloud watches them disappear down a thin alley. Biggs points down to their left and they start heading further into sector five. They pass by a restaurant where a man says hi to Biggs. As they pass under a small tunnel, they exit into a brightly lit place where the orphanage lies. There’s some kids running around here too, but mostly it’s adults. Some over by a building to their left, but a few standing in front of the orphanage. One woman waves at them and Biggs grins, holding up what’s in their hands. 

“We come bearing gifts!” Biggs holds up the box in his hands. “We managed to get a hold of more supplies for you.”

“You’re such a good man, Biggs.” The lady starts looking into the one Biggs sits down. “You and the rest of your friends, thank you.”

Cloud sets his box down next to it and opens it up, peeking inside. There’s a few books and school supplies like pencils and paper. He’s pretty sure the other box must be much the same. 

They stay for a little bit. Biggs gets pulled into the building so the ones in charge can show him some of the things they’re doing for the kids. Cloud stays outside, listening to a few kids talk about the art they’re making. As the sun starts setting, Biggs finally comes back outside, bidding everyone goodbye. 

They make it to the start of the small tunnel when Cloud hears a loud crash from behind them and a shout of his name.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by all the love on chapter one! Thanks for all the comments and kudos so far! Chapter 3 is almost done and I might change up my posting schedule a little bit, depending on how much progress I make. So it'll either stay at once a week or it'll be moved up to twice a week. We'll see! To everyone guessing who was shouting for Cloud, you'll find out in this chapter. :)
> 
> Thanks to slothy_girl for looking over this chapter and for all the help.

“Cloud!”

Cloud falters in his steps.

“ _Hey_! Cloud!” There’s another crash and someone swearing. Whoever is running after them yells, “Sorry, miss!” after the third crash. 

Next to him, Biggs’ expression is stony. “Keep walking. I don’t know what SOLDIER wants with you, but I don’t like it.”

 _But he knows my name_ , Cloud thinks. Maybe he knows something that can help him. There has to be a reason the man knows him. 

“Cloud!” is shouted again and Cloud finds himself stopping. In front of him, Biggs is glaring at whoever is behind Cloud. He wants to turn around and face whoever it is, but finds himself rooted where he stands. 

“It’s nothing good when Shrina is after you. Trust me, it’s better if we get out of here.” And yeah, maybe he’s right. Cloud knows neither Tifa nor her friends like Shrina, although he doesn’t know their story or why. But there’s a part of him that trusts Tifa’s judgement, and she hasn’t shown him any reason yet not to trust her. Everyone’s been nothing but nice and helpful to him.

So Cloud lets Biggs grab him by the arm as they make their way out of the sector five slums. He hears the person shout some more, and he chances a look back to finally try to see who this man is. He gets a glimpse of dark clothes and darker hair, but that’s it before Cloud and Biggs are swallowed up by the crowd. From what he can tell, the man doesn’t chase after him. 

Not that he thinks so, anyway. By the tense line of Biggs’ shoulders, he figures he doesn’t trust it either.

\--

For the rest of the day, Cloud gets the feeling he’s being watched. But any time he looks around, he doesn’t see anyone. The feeling doesn’t go away as the day starts bleeding into night. He helps out at the bar and hangs out with the group, but the entire time there’s a certain awareness that someone’s out there, just watching his every move. It’s unsettling, but he tries to brush it off. The doors to the bar are wide open, with people coming and going, and every time he glances outside he doesn’t see anyone. 

It’s probably nothing, he thinks, it’s probably just his mind playing tricks on him after what happened in sector five. 

He takes a sip of his drink and thinks about who he saw. He wishes he had gotten a better look at him instead of just a small glimpse. From what Biggs had said, the man was a SOLDIER. But like with everything, his memory of this person is blank. Although, the guy did know his name, so he must know Cloud, right? Cloud shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.

In a far corner of the bar, Wedge is holding Marlene up so she can click through the jukebox until she finds a song she wants to listen to. From the back of the bar, he can hear Tifa, Barret and Biggs having a hushed conversation. The conversation doesn’t stay quiet for long because after a few minutes he hears Barret say in an angry tone, “SOLDIER?! What do those bastards want with Cloud?”

“I don’t know,” Cloud speaks up, and all eyes turn to him. “I don’t know how he’d know me.”

Biggs looks around the bar at everyone sitting and drinking. “We really shouldn’t be talking about this up here. We don’t know who might be listening.” 

Cloud thinks about how he’s been feeling like he’s being watched and agrees with Biggs’ statement. 

“Tifa knows me, and now this random SOLDIER does. I wish I knew why,” Cloud says. “I still don’t remember anything.” He knocks back his drink before standing. “I’m gonna head back.”

“We should have someone go with you. I can,” Tifa offers.

“I’m fine,” Cloud says. “I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go to sleep early.” 

“Okay,” she says, but doesn’t look happy about it. 

He starts making his way down the path to the apartments. When he’s within distance to see the place, he doesn’t see Marle outside. She must be inside for the night. The closer he gets to the apartment, the more he gets the prickling sensation of being watched and followed. He stops right by the stairs and looks around, but doesn’t see anyone. He shakes it off and makes his way upstairs. It’s as he’s opening his door that someone grabs his arm. He startles and pushes the person away, but the person’s grip is iron strong. He turns around, shoving them in the chest, and coming face to face with the man he saw only glimpses of earlier.

“Cloud!” is what comes out of the stranger’s mouth and the worry in his voice is what makes Cloud stop. He’s got a kind face and he’s nothing like Cloud had imagined when he thought of SOLDIERS. When everyone else talked about them, they just seemed like cold people whose only purpose was to fight. 

“Who are you?” he asks and watches as the guy’s face crumbles. 

“I’m Zack,” the stranger says as if that means something. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t--” Cloud hesitates. “How do you know my name?” 

There’s heartbreak written across Zack’s face as soon as those words leave Cloud’s lips. It’s enough to make Cloud shy away, trying to move away from him, and Zack thankfully lets him go. 

“You’re in the infantry. You’re my…” Zack runs a hand through his hair and Cloud gets the distinct impression he meant to say something else but Zack just says, “You’re my best friend.”

“I don’t know who you are.”

“What happened to you, Cloud?” Zack asks, and the heartbreak in his voice makes Cloud flinch. He doesn’t know why, but he hates it. The sadness doesn’t suit him at all, and he doesn’t seem like the type of person to be sad. 

“I don’t know. I woke up here a few weeks ago, someone named Tifa helped me when she found me. I have no memory.”

“Nothing at all?” 

Cloud shakes his head. “You say you know me, so do you know anything?”

“All I know is that you disappeared months ago. I looked everywhere but couldn’t find you. I asked around but no one had seen you either.”

“Months?” Cloud asks, surprised. That’s a long time to be missing.

“Yeah. I was so worried that something happened to you. Angeal even helped me look, but there was no trace of you anywhere. And then you randomly show up in sector five! Also-” Zack hesitates.

“What?” 

There’s a furrow to Zack’s brows. He starts reaching out and Cloud moves away, feeling unsure about him. His hand falls and he starts to say, “Also, there’s something with your--” He stops suddenly, though, and shakes his head. It leaves Cloud feeling confused. Zack pauses, heaves a sigh and adds, “But something must’ve happened to you if you can’t remember anything.”

“Yeah. Must have.” 

“Hey, we’ll figure it out together, right?” 

Part of Cloud wants to agree, because he does want his memory back and Zack seems to know something, but he doesn’t remember him at all. And with what all the others say, about not trusting SOLDIER, he doesn’t know if he can truly trust Zack. He feels like he should talk to Tifa about this and see what she has to say.

“I’m sorry, but,” Cloud says, and watches as Zack’s face falls. “I don’t know if I can trust you yet.”

“Oh,” Zack says. “Yeah, yeah I get that.” 

“Maybe just let me think about it?”

“Okay,” Zack nods. “I’m still going to look into things on my own.”

“Okay.” 

“And that just means I’ll have to come visit you!”

Cloud wants to tell him about his Shrina hating friends, maybe it’s not a good idea, but instead just says, “Okay.”

Zack grins and gives him a wave as he leaves. Cloud watches him go.

\--

He doesn’t manage to get a good night's sleep that night, his mind way too busy thinking about Zack. He tosses and turns and dreams weird dreams that make no sense to him. They’re all blurry and he can’t make anything out, and any voices he hears are muffled and far away. 

In the morning, he heads over to the bar so he can help open it. Barret is sitting out on the steps and staring up at the metal sky. As Cloud approaches, Barret looks over at him. “You sleep okay?” Barret asks. “Nobody from Shrina bothered you?” 

He thinks of Zack’s worried face and the little info he managed to get from him. He doesn’t know if he should lie or not, but he must hesitate too long, because Barret’s expression grows more serious.

“Who was it?” 

“A SOLDIER,” Cloud replies. “He claimed to know me, we talked, and then he left. That’s it.”

“That’s it, huh? If he bothers you again, you tell us.” 

“I can take care of it myself.” With that, Cloud heads into the bar to get everything ready. He appreciates them looking out for him, but he gets the feeling if he just continues the way he is, he won’t get anywhere close to getting his memory back. Maybe SOLDIER and Shrina can’t be trusted, but he needs to grasp onto anything even remotely helpful that comes his way.

Tifa corners him later that day, when their rush has let up some. She says, “So I heard from Barret you were visited by a SOLDIER?”

“Like I told him, he claimed to know me, we talked, he left. Nothing happened. I’m fine.” 

Tifa holds her hands up. “I know you can take care of yourself, but I’m still worried. But-” She sighs. “But maybe it’s not so bad if he claims to know you. I know when you left Nibelheim, you were coming to Midgar to be a SOLDIER. And you do have the eyes for it.”

“The eyes?”

“Yeah, the Mako eyes. All SOLDIERS have them.”

“Zack said I was an infantryman, not a SOLDIER.” And if he has Mako eyes, why didn’t Zack mention anything? “I don’t know why he didn’t say anything.” 

“Maybe he didn’t know what to say or didn’t notice.” 

“Yeah.” There was that moment where Zack almost said something but didn’t and he wonders if that's what he had wanted to mention. “I know everyone thinks Shrina is bad, but Zack didn’t seem bad. He was nice and just wanted to help. Plus if he knows me, isn’t it worth it to get his help?”

“You’re right. I’d be careful, but...Maybe you should see if he can help you.” Tifa leans in, looking around at everyone else quickly before adding, “I know I hate Shrina, we all do here, but they’re not all bad. A few of the Turks like to come down here for a drink. They’re nice.”

“Alright,” he concedes. “If he visits again I’ll try talking to him.” 

“And you tell him, if he tries anything, you have friends who will kick his ass.”

\--

He finds a note on his door a few days after he last saw Zack. It’s stuck in between the door jamb and says _meet me at the park by Wall Market_ in a messy scrawl. Cloud remembers Wall Market from when he went to sector five with Biggs. It’s late afternoon by the time he makes his way to the park. Zack’s sitting up on one of the park structures and looking up at the plate. There’s a small smile on his face and he looks so peaceful where he sits, with the light hitting his face. It makes Cloud slow his steps, until he’s just standing nearby, watching him. When Zack turns that smile to him, it makes Cloud’s breath catch.

“Hey there, Cloudy!” Zack pats the space next to him and Cloud makes his way up, sitting down next to him. Zack moves closer and starts putting an arm around him but seems to catch himself at the last second. 

Cloud’s brow furrows, but he chooses not to comment on it. “So is this going to be our meeting place, then?” 

Zack nods. “Yup! Believe it or not, but we used to hang out here a lot, when we weren’t busy. Aerith -- she’s a friend of ours -- used to park her flower cart here a few years ago before people stopped coming.” 

“Why did people stop coming?”

“Between Wall Market and the plate falling, it’s not a popular hang out anymore. Some people still come here during the day, but it’s not nearly as busy as it once was.” 

“But we still came over here?”

“Yep, this was our spot, until you disappeared. When you were missing, sometimes I’d still come here, hoping you’d show up.” 

“Is that why you wanted to meet here? To try and jog my memory?” Cloud wraps his arms around his legs, staring down at his knees. “Because it didn’t.” 

Zack shrugs. “It was worth a shot. But don’t you worry, I’m going to figure it out.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Cloud amends. At Zack’s surprised look, Cloud adds, “I was talking to Tifa and she said maybe I should take you up on your offer, since you know who I am. She also mentioned my eyes.”

Cloud startles when Zack reaches out and touches his cheek. His touch is soft, gentle. He lets Zack cup his face and when Zack looks right into his eyes, their face mere inches apart, Cloud feels like his heart stops. This close Cloud can see the swirls of blues and greens in Zack’s eyes. They’re pretty and his first thought is that someone could easily get lost in them, and then realizes that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. Zack’s voice snaps him out of his daze.

“You’ve got SOLDIER eyes. Don’t know why. There’s a few people who could cause this but I don’t know what they’d want with you. But it doesn’t make sense. You tried joining the SOLDIER program but didn’t make it. That was years ago. So why now? And why is your memory gone?”

“Tifa said I was soaking wet when she found me.”

“Yeah, whoever did this put you in Mako.” 

They sit and talk for a little bit longer before it starts getting too dark, so Zack says he’ll walk Cloud back to sector seven. Once they get there, Zack’s eyes linger on him as he says, “I’m going to look into a few things. Promise me you’ll be safe?” 

“Yeah,” Cloud promises. “I’ll do my best.”

“Good,” Zack smiles. He gives a wave and says, “I’ll let you know when we can meet again!” 

With that, Zack starts heading back the way they came and Cloud’s left staring at his retreating back.

\--

After that, it’s as if a switch has been flipped, and Cloud starts having more dreams. Well, not really dreams, more like nightmares. He still can’t really see what’s happening. Everything around him is still blurry and the voices still sound too far away, but the atmosphere of the dream and the sensation of being prodded at is what makes it more into a nightmare. He wakes up every time gasping for breath and his hands clenched into the sheets. 

He doesn’t hear from Zack for a while after that, but everything seems to continue forward. He spends his days the same as always since he showed up here - he helps out at the bar, helps with a few errands, and sometimes watches Marlene. After another week passes, he’s still not regaining any memory back, and he’s starting to wonder if he ever will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this a day early! Also I _just_ finished FFXV two days ago and started playing the dlcs yesterday. I am SO SAD AFTER THAT. I somehow avoided all spoilers all these years and that game just hit me hard. But yeah, day early posting because I'm planning to play more prompto dlc (and then starting gladio's) tomorrow and I thought I'd go ahead and post this chapter today instead. I'm also sad about ffxv so I thought finishing this chapter and posting it would cheer me up. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments/kudos!

Somehow Cloud gets talked into going up on the plate with Tifa and Jessie. Biggs and Wedge end up going too, but Barret stays behind to take care of the bar. So that’s how Cloud ends up being pulled in different directions up on the plate. Wedge complains about being hungry, so they decide to get lunch first before wandering around. The area they’re in seems to be filled with shops and restaurants, and Cloud recognizes it as the area they were in before to shop for him. But this time he actually gets to see more besides just the insides of a few places. 

They pass by a mechanic shop where there’s bikes and cars parked on the curb and inside the garage. Beside the mechanic shop is a bar. There’s people everywhere he looks, filling up the streets. It seems busier than last time, and he ends up voicing this outloud.

“The weekend always means most of Shinra’s employees are off work, so everyone’s out doing things,” Tifa explains.

Just as they’re headed into a restaurant, he catches two people at the coffee shop across the street staring at him. One of them has long silver hair whereas the second man has short red hair. The silver haired man smiles at him, nodding his head in his direction, and Cloud’s at a loss. More people that know him, then? But he’s prevented from doing or thinking anything further when Jessie pulls him into the restaurant.

The two men are gone by the time they leave. He’s not sure now if they were just being friendly, or if they were actually people who know him. Part of him had hoped they were still around.

“We don’t come up here often,” Jessie says, cutting off his thoughts. “Once and awhile, we’ll do something nice for ourselves. We had some money saved, so why not.” 

“Sucks Barret didn’t want to come with,” Wedge says. “Only time he comes up here is when—“ 

Jessie grabs Wedge in a headlock, successfully cutting off whatever it was he was about to say. Cloud stares at them, feeling bewildered. 

“He has Marlene, and you know how uneasy he is with bringing her anywhere too far from home,” Biggs says. “If there’s nobody to watch her, he’ll stay down there with her. Plus, it’d be good for him to have a day with her.”

“That’s true, he’s always busy lately,” Wedge says and then to Cloud, “Hey, bro. How’s your memory?”

Cloud sighs. “I’m not your bro.”

“Yeah, okay. But how are you?” Wedge asks. 

“Still nothing,” Cloud replies. 

“That sucks, I’m sorry. I hope you get it back soon. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my memory.”

Jessie softly punches Wedge in the arm. “If you lost your memory, you wouldn’t know what you’re missing for it to suck.”

“Unless people tell you,” Cloud says, because that’s exactly what happened to him, and sure, yeah, it does suck a lot. 

Jessie’s face softens. “That’s true, sorry, Cloud.”

“It’s fine,” Cloud says, even though it’s not. 

There’s a girl by the train station with a cart of flowers when they get there. She’s smiling at everyone, trying to get people to buy them. Beside Cloud, Tifa is staring at her with what he can only describe as “lovestruck”.

“Um, Tifa?” Cloud tries to get her attention, but to no avail. 

“Let’s go buy flowers!” Tifa declares, pulling Cloud along. Behind them, the others are laughing. 

When they get to the stand, the flower girl grins when she sees Cloud. “Zack told me he found you! It’s so good to see you again. You had us so worried.” 

“Oh, um, are you Aerith?” he asks. 

“Uh-huh,” she says. She’s still smiling, but there’s a sadness around her eyes. 

Tifa tugs at his arm and Cloud says, “This is my friend Tifa. She wanted to buy some flowers.”

“Hi, Tifa! Since you’re Cloud’s friend, I’ll even give you a discount,” Aerith says with a wink. 

“You’re way too nice,” Tifa says as she starts looking at all of them. There’s a faint blush to her cheeks. 

Cloud walks over to where everyone else is standing so he can let them be. Jessie is giggling into her hand and Biggs is shaking his head. “I think she’s more interested in that flower girl than the actual flowers,” Biggs says.

“Yeah, think you’re right about that,” Cloud agrees. 

They wait for a while before Tifa’s walking back over to them with a dazed smile. She’s holding a few flowers in her hand, but Cloud doesn’t even remember seeing her pay for them at all. He says as much and Tifa just says, “She said no charge. I can pay her back with a date.” 

Just as they’re walking onto the platform Tifa sighs and says, “She’s perfect.” 

—

“So I saw two people the other day up on the plate,” is the first thing out of Cloud’s mouth when he sees Zack again. 

“Oh, that was just Sephiroth and Genesis.” At Cloud’s puzzled expression he adds, “They’re other SOLDIERS. Also friends of mine. I kinda asked them to keep an eye on you when I can’t.” 

“Why?”

“Well...I have a small lead on why you disappeared. Have a hunch, anyway. I’m just worried you’ll disappear again.” 

“It’s been a few weeks now, if I was in danger wouldn’t it have happened already?” 

“You’d think, but if it’s who I’m pretty sure it is, I don’t trust him. Just be careful, okay?” Zack asks, and he sounds so worried that Cloud can’t help to agree.

“Sure, yeah, of course.” 

After that, Zack steers the conversation into lighter topics. He tells Cloud more about the other Firsts, about how he went on a mission with Sephiroth recently even though he’s typically usually going off with Angeal or by himself. There was an infestation of monsters, buglike and venomous, and apparently him and Sephiroth were the right ones for the job. 

“Getting splattered with bug monster guts is the worst,” Zack says. “And Sephiroth gets so cranky when it happens.” 

“Doesn’t like getting covered in monsters guts?” Cloud asks with a laugh. 

“Nope,” Zack says. “Especially the bugs. But he’s good with taking care of the type we did, so whether he likes it or not, they’ll stick us together for it. I think sometimes he misses our old missions, but I know deep down he doesn’t care, he just wants to protect Midgar.”

“He sounds like a good guy,” Cloud says.

“The best,” Zack agrees. “You used to really look up to him.” 

“I did?”

Zack smiles. “Yep, that’s why you came here to Midgar. You wanted to join SOLDIER, but didn’t make it in. You kept trying for a while there, but gave up after a few years, so you’ve just been in the infantry for the past seven years.”

Cloud’s mouth falls open in shock. “Seven years? How old was I?” 

“Fourteen! I was young, too, when I came here to join SOLDIER.”

“You said I used to look up to Sephiroth, so why did I stop?” Cloud asks.

“Well, you became friends with him, and I think you still look up to him. It’s not as a hero worship like it used to be.”

“Friends,” Cloud echos. 

“We all missed you,” Zack says. “I’m pretty sure when we find out who did this to you, they won’t just have me to fear. Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth will make them pay just as much as I will.”

—

The sector’s been busier lately. Cloud’s noticed more infantry around and Biggs has said the neighborhood watch has been having plenty of late nights. There’s a couple of nests surrounding the sector. One in the scrapyard, one in the abandoned factory, and two by the train graveyard. From what Cloud has seen, the infantry just stands around doing nothing but telling people to stay within the sector and not to run off. And yeah, that’s important too, making sure people stay safe. But with how much infantry is around, he’d think they’d be able to send some men out to help take care of things. It doesn’t seem right that the Watch is busy doing most of the work. 

Cloud’s wandering around the sector doing deliveries for Tifa when he sees the red head he’d seen the other day. Genesis, Zack had said. He’s standing by a few infantrymen looking bored at whatever they’re telling him. After dismissing the infantrymen, he looks over at Cloud and gives a nod of acknowledgment. But before Cloud can even try talking to him, Genesis is running off in the direction of one of the nests.

Well, at least someone is taking care of the nests. 

What he doesn’t expect is for a couple infantrymen to grab him by the arm as Cloud starts making his way out of the area. At first Cloud thinks about what Zack had told him, about how he needs to be careful, but when he turns to face the person they’re just smiling. 

“Cloud, it’s so good to see you!” the guy is saying. “We didn’t know what happened to you. What’re you doing down here?” 

“Um,” Cloud fumbles for what to say, but he’s saved when the guy raises a hand up. 

“Wait! Let me go get the other guys, they’ll be happy to see you.” And then he’s running off towards a group of infantry. 

Zack’s words for him to be careful echo in his mind and he turns around and flees. He didn’t feel worried about Genesis, because Zack called him a friend. But now that Zack’s been worried for him, he has said that he wants him to be careful and there’s no way of telling if he’s supposed to be looking over his shoulder all the time. But he’s pretty sure talking to random infantrymen, even if they claim to know him, doesn’t settle right for him. He doesn’t trust it, not now anyway. 

He stops running once they’re out of sight. He braces his hands on his knees and takes a deep breath. When he looks back up, Genesis is staring right at him, looking worried. He’s got a funny feeling that Zack told him to look out for him while he’s down here. He lifts a hand and gives him a tentative smile, trying his best to let him know he’s fine.

After that, he heads to the bar. 

—

He thought their next meeting would be more of the same, just hanging out at the park and talking, but as soon as he walks up, Zack’s grabbing his hand and pulling him toward Wall Market. 

He’s seen Wall Market during the day, but only from afar at night. He’s seen the bright lights of what looked like a busy area much different than most of the slums. But actually seeing it is completely different. It’s bright neon lights, small little shops littering the streets, and people everywhere. Zack immediately pulls him toward a shop selling little trinkets and he watches him dig through everything. It’s handmade statues of various things Cloud only knows vaguely from what he’s heard Marlene talk about. Cloud looks down at where his hand is still in Zack’s and then back up at Zack’s smiling face. Either Zack hasn’t realized he’s still holding his hand, or he has and still wants to. 

Cloud tugs his hand out of Zack’s grasp, even though there’s a part of Cloud that doesn’t want to, that likes the feeling of their hands linked. The sudden movement is enough that Zack drops the item he was looking at. There’s a myriad of emotions that cross his face. He goes from looking confused, to sad, to something that Cloud can’t quite place. 

“Sorry,” Zack says, a little nervously. There’s a faint blush to his cheeks. “I forgot I had grabbed your hand.” 

“It’s okay,” Cloud says, because maybe he just forgot he’d grabbed Cloud’s hand and pulled him here, that’s all. 

They go to other booths after that. Things feel awkward between them and Zack’s being quiet, and Cloud doesn’t know what to do or say that can dispel the sudden weirdness. Zack buys a chocobo plush that someone’s selling, a little shop that’s from up on the plate that occasionally sells down in the slums. It’s twenty gil for the plush, but Zack hands over the money like it’s nothing. It’s cute, though, and it seems to raise his spirits a little. 

Eventually they make their way to a place selling ice cream and Zack ends up paying for it. They leave Wall Market after that and head to the little park. 

“So we used to sometimes go to Wall Market to look around,” Zack says. “Jog any memories?” 

He thinks of how he felt when they held hands, but ends up shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry.” That was a feeling, not a memory. It was confusing, but not even helpful. 

“It’s okay,” Zack tells him, even if he doesn’t sound like it is. Cloud hates it, hates not remembering anything, and hates seeing Zack like this. He looks so sad, and he finds himself bumping shoulders with him. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Cloud assures. “Together, right?” 

Zack nods. “Yeah, we’ll figure out what happened and get your memories back.”

“I really want to remember everything,” Cloud says. “I want to remember you.”

That manages to pull a smile from Zack. It’s small and a little sad, but it’s a smile nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr, I'm darkenednights over there!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day later than what I wanted, but new chapter! I'm starting to wonder just how long this fic is going to end up. Possibly longer than I originally thought. 
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos!

There’s two guys in suits sitting at the bar when he walks in. From a corner of the room, he sees Barret, Jessie and Biggs sitting at a table and neither of them looks too happy. The two men in suits are happily chatting up Tifa, though, and she looks okay talking to them. She’s leaning against the counter as one of them relays something he did. Cloud makes his way to the bar counter and waves a hello to Tifa as he starts getting ready for the night. 

When he looks over at the two men again, the one with bright red hair is staring wide eyed at him. The man next to him nudges him in the side and he hears a hushed whisper of, “Stop staring, Reno.”

“What’re you doing here?” the man - Reno - asks. 

Cloud freezes, gripping the cloth in his hands tightly. _More_ people that know him? He doesn’t know what to do or say in the face of this, because these men are wearing suits, and he feels like anyone dressed like they are must be people of more importance than just infantry. And Zack never mentioned anyone in suits, only ever mentioned the other first class SOLDIERS. But, Cloud thinks, he remembers Tifa mentioning Shinra people who come down here for a drink sometimes. He figures this must be them, then, but are they people _he_ can trust is another question entirely.

“We haven’t seen you in ages,” Reno is saying. “And you’re just here working at some bar?” 

Cloud grips tighter to the cloth and closes his eyes. He just wants to leave now but he’s afraid what that’ll cause, if it’ll cause anything at all. He hears the man next to Reno say, “Hey, Reno. Maybe you should stop.” 

“What?” Reno asks.

“Talk to Zack,” Tifa tells them. He feels a hand on his arm a moment later and when he opens his eyes, Tifa’s giving him a reassuring smile.

“What do you mean, talk to Zack?” Reno asks. “And how do you know about Zack? We know he doesn’t come here.” 

“Just talk to him, he’ll explain things,” Tifa insists.

Reno sighs. “Ugh, fine, we’ll do that.” Reno knocks back the rest of his drink before tugging on the man next him. “We’ve gotta go. Thanks for the drinks, Tifa.”

Once the two are gone, Tifa sighs and says, “That’s Reno and Rude, the two Shinra employees I told you about before. They’re not bad, despite what their jobs are, okay?”

Cloud nods. “Okay.”

\--

Zack’s usually the first one there when they meet up, usually always sitting down up on the one of the park structures. But Cloud finds the park empty when he gets there. He can hear all the laughter and music coming from Wall Market tonight, and he wonders briefly if there must be something going on, because it’s louder than usual. From his perch, he can see the chocobos standing around and a few drunken people stumble out of the market and ask the men tending to the chocobos for what he assumes is a ride to wherever they live. 

He gets so caught up in the scene before him that a hand reaching out and touching his shoulder startles him, and he ends up almost falling off before the hand grips tighter and prevents him. When he looks up, it’s to Zack’s smiling face.

“Sorry, Cloud,” Zack says, but he’s laughing. 

Cloud shoves at him, until Zack’s falling back onto the structure, taking Cloud with him. “I could’ve fallen off!” 

“Nah,” Zack says with a shake of his head. “I wouldn’t let you fall.” 

It’s then that Cloud realizes how close they are. Zack’s hands are still holding tight to his arms, and Cloud’s pretty much almost on top of Zack. His chest is a solid, hard mass under his hands. It makes heat rise to his face. He moves away until he’s a respectable distance. He doesn’t look at Zack’s face, instead he stares intently forward at the people again.

“You’re missing the drunk people trying to get a chocobo ride home,” Cloud says, hoping for a subject change, to move away from whatever _this_ is.

One person pokes at one of the chocobos which only ends up startling it and causing it to thrash around. The stablehand starts yelling at the people. Zack lets out a loud laugh next to him and when Cloud chances a look over at him, it’s to see the way Zack’s head is tilted back as he laughs, the soft laugh lines around his eyes, and the pure joy on his face. The sudden swooping sensation in his stomach has him quickly looking away. He busies himself with looking at the scene before them again, at the way the chocobos keep stamping their feet in clear irritation.

“Do you think he’ll let them get a ride still?” Cloud asks after a moment.

“Yeah, think so,” Zack says. “The stablehands won’t like it, but they won’t say no to money.” 

Sure enough, the stablehands manage to get the drunk people into the back of the carriage. The chocobos are still looking rattled, but the stablehands manage to calm them down enough after giving them some greens. They watch the carriage pull away, down the long winding road toward sector five. Zack’s still sitting close to him, their hands lying close together, and Cloud tries to ignore the fact that he wants to get rid of any remaining distance and hold his hand. 

When Zack starts talking about his day, his hands flying every which way as he details some heroic thing he did just outside the city walls, Cloud thinks he just about manages to squash the feeling.

But only just barely.

\--

There’s a man lying next to him, but he can’t make out his face. 

The man is a solid, warm presence and Cloud finds himself scooting closer to him. He’s familiar to him, although he can’t place why. He presses closer, though, burying his head against his solid chest. Everything's so blurry, like many of his other dreams, but this one feels different. It feels lighter, brighter than all the others. He wishes he could see the person’s face that’s holding him. But for now, he’s content just lying in his arms like this. A hand cups his cheek a moment later; a soft, gentle touch that makes him feel loved. 

He realizes, as a finger brushes against his cheek, that the hand is a little more sharper and not as blurry as the rest of the mystery man. The hand lifts his chin as another cups the other side of his face. Whoever this is must love him, because it feels like he’s drowning in it, and for once he wants to stay right here. And maybe if he lets himself look up, if he concentrates hard enough, maybe he can make out who this is through the blurry shapes of his dream. 

He awakes with a gasp after that. His fingers are clenched into the blankets, but this time it’s not from the heart pounding fear he’s used to. 

He can still feel the ghost of a touch on his face, and he raises his hand to touch where he remembers the man in his dream touching. He lies in bed in the dark of his room for the longest time, trying to piece together the blurry pieces of his dream. 

Eventually, he gets up on unsteady legs and makes his way to the sink where he splashes water on his face. Then, he stares at himself in the mirror. He touches a hand to his face, remembering the way the man touched him as if he cherished him. _Lovingly_ , Cloud thinks, is the only way to describe it. He felt so familiar, and it’s so frustrating that he can’t remember anything. 

It was a nice dream, at least. A lot better than the tangled mess of his nightmares that have been plaguing him almost every night. 

\--

He hesitates for four days before going to Tifa about it. He tries to write it off that they’ve just been busy, but he knows it’s partly because he’s not even sure how to broach the subject. But now that the bar is slow and they’re at the tail end of closing, he’s got no excuse. Tifa is standing by the bottles of wine counting inventory. It’s the perfect time, because there’s nobody around. He just needs to say something.

“Hey, Tifa?”

“Hmm?” she asks. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Cloud asks. 

She looks up then, fixing him with a curious stare. “Sure. What’s up?” 

Just then, he hears the chime of the arcade machine. He looks to see Jessie come up from the basement floor.

“Later,” Cloud says. “We can talk later, back at the apartments.”

Tifa nods. They finish closing up. Jessie bids them goodnight after they walk down the front steps. Cloud spends most of the walk staring down at his shoes.

Once they make it back to the apartments, Tifa stops him with a hand on his arm. “What did you want to talk about?” 

They could easily go inside to talk. Plus, there’s not exactly any chairs to sit in up here. But Cloud finds himself plopping down onto the ground anyway, his legs dangling off the railing. He doesn’t want to go inside for this. Tifa sits down next to him, shoulders bumping.

“So what’s up?” 

He could say it. He could say, _so I’ve been having these dreams_ , and then they could talk about it. Instead, he asks, “Do you think I’ll get my memory back?” 

“I think so,” Tifa says. “I hope so.”

 _Just say it_ , Cloud tries to tell himself. “I’ve been having weird dreams.”

“What kind of dreams?” she asks.

“Nightmares, mostly,” he replies. From where they sit, he can see it as a cat weaves its way into the enclosure just to their left. He focuses on that, watching as another follows after, and he takes a deep breath. “Though, I had a better one the other night. Don’t know what any of it means.”

“Memories, maybe?” Tifa wonders. 

“Maybe,” Cloud muses. “Everything’s blurry, though. Can’t make anything out in them.” 

“Nightmares are never good, but,” Tifa says. “But maybe the dreams mean your memory will come back.” 

“Yeah,” Cloud says, quietly.

Tifa nudges him and says, “Maybe you should go lie down and rest. Today was a long day.”

It was, but Cloud doesn’t want to go in just yet. So he says, “Not right now, okay? Can we just sit out here for a little bit?” 

Tifa nods and bumps shoulders with him again in a silent okay. She could go into her own apartment, but instead she stays out with him. Cloud stares up at the plate, at all the twinkling lights of it, and just takes in how quiet the slums are tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off: I AM SO SORRY THIS IS ALMOST TWO MONTHS LATE. I have been having so many issues writing this. Mainly it's because I had to rework a few things (which I'm still unsure on). Please feel free to bug me for updates, it'll help motivate me to get my butt in gear and write. Tumblr or twitter or discord, please feel free to just yell at me. Or talk to me about this. 
> 
> secondly: I am upping the rating to E. nothing yet! but definitely plans for in the near future, so i'm gonna go ahead and raise the rating ahead of time. 
> 
> and thirdly: there's tentatively going to be 15 chapters, but that may change. it'll definitely be somewhere between 15 and 20. 
> 
> lastly: shout out to pin and dergun who have been cheering me on with this (and my other ff7 fics). and thanks to pin for reading over this chapter and helping me catch any remaining errors! you're both the best and i'm super thankful <3

Zack never shows up at the bar. They’ll always meet at the park or somewhere in-between sectors, but never anywhere in sector seven. Cloud doesn’t mind, he’s okay with their arrangement, but Barret and the others have voiced their distrust for him on too many occasions about how he needs to come to the bar already. (“I need to scope this Shrina lap dog out for myself,” Barret had said.) So the next time they meet up, Cloud tells him that he has an invitation to show up.

So now they’re both standing in front of the bar and Zack looks nervous. 

Barret pokes his head out of the doors and bellows, “Are y’all just gonna stand out there all night?”

Zack jumps a few feet in the air, and looks over at Cloud like he’s afraid to go into the bar. They make their way inside. There’s not a single customer tonight, because Tifa closed down early just for this. The whole thing is making Cloud nervous. He likes Zack, they’ve even had fun all the times they’ve met up so far, and even if he doesn’t fully trust him yet, he’s sure he’s getting there. But he gets how everyone else feels; they only hear about him, they never get to interact with him theirselves. Really, their immediate reactions to protect him make him feel good, even if he feels as if he can take care of himself.

“So you’re Zack Fair,” Barret says, stretching out on the chair he’s in, gun arm on full display. “Good ol’ Shinra lap dog.” 

“Barret,” Tifa scolds and then to Zack, “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Gotta make sure Cloud will be alright,” Barret says. 

“Hey!” Zack says, sounding offended. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. I lo-, I care about him a lot.”

“You better not,” Barret threatens. “He’s one of us now, you hear me? You hurt him, you answer to us. Got it?” 

Zack nods, but keeps quiet. He still looks nervous and a little upset, and Cloud’s not sure how to dispel any of it. He places a hand on Zack’s arm, which makes him turn to Cloud. 

Barret motions at one of the chairs and says, “Sit, tell us a bit about you. As long as you’re cool and treat Cloud right, we good. But we ain’t gonna sit around and not know you.”

Zack takes a deep breath, sits down several spots away from Barret, and then starts talking about himself. He sounds stilted, as if he’s at some job interview instead of trying to get to know someone. It takes Cloud handing him a drink and nudging him gently for Zack to unwind a bit more. Before long, the tension starts dissipating in the room and everyone seems to be getting along just fine. It’s a relief. 

A half an hour or so later, Tifa asks, “Did you talk to Reno?” It dawns on Cloud that he’s been meaning to ask about that. 

“He asked me about Cloud,” Zack says. “Asked what Cloud was doing down in the slums.”

“And?” Tifa asks. 

“And I told him the truth,” Zack says. “I think he can be trusted.” Zack lets out a deep breath and adds, “I hope.” 

“Why wouldn’t he be trusted?” Cloud asks. 

“He’s a Turk,” Zack replies. “Kinda their job to know everything, so I didn’t know if he maybe knew about you and had to keep quiet. But he said he had no idea, so whoever did this to you it wasn’t Rufus or any of his Turks.” 

“And do you know?” Tifa asks before Cloud can voice the same question.

Zack hesitates for a moment before replying, “I might.”

“And are you ever going to tell me?” If Zack has any sort of idea, Cloud would like to know. He just wishes he’d start talking already and start giving some sort of answers.

“Just give me a little more time,” Zack pleads. “I’m trying.” 

Tifa nods, but Cloud’s left just staring at him. He thinks he should trust Zack, there’s a part of him he can’t explain that says to trust him, but then Zack hiding things like this bothers him and then he starts second guessing. Like right now. Why is it taking Zack so long? Maybe if he remembered anything, he’d get it, but right now he hates it.

He wants to start demanding answers, but instead he gives his own nod of understanding, and they go back to talking about mundane things. 

Maybe he should give Zack time, but he’s not sure how much more time he’ll let him have until he starts trying to demand some sort of information. 

\--

Cloud doesn’t usually go far for deliveries by himself, only ever as far as sector five. Neither his new friends nor Zack wants him to go far, in fear of him going missing again. But this time he ends up venturing into Wall Market alone. It’s during the day, so the place isn’t busy at all, but all the same he doesn’t want to stay here long. He just has to make his way down to the bar near the Honey Bee inn; Tifa had said it was down a flight of stairs, tucked away in a corner of Wall Market. 

He’s just about to the stairs when he catches sight of Sephiroth and Angeal. Angeal is busy talking to one of the merchants, but Sephiroth is staring right at him. He doesn’t look particularly happy, and Cloud’s not sure why, but has a sinking suspicion that it’s probably because Cloud’s currently here alone. 

It’s just a quick delivery, he’ll be fine. 

Sephiroth looks ten seconds away from going after him, but Cloud jogs down the stairs until he’s stumbling into the underground section. There’s a few people at the bar, where the bartender is busy talking to them. The bar seems to be open, but the neon usually lit up bright at night is turned off. He makes his way over and sets the box on the counter. 

“Tifa had an order for a few bottles of Midgar wine and a few bottles of tequila from Gongaga,” Cloud tells them. He peeks inside the box. “In exchange for a few bottles of Nibelheim whiskey and a bottle of wine from Wutai.” 

“Sure,” the guy behind the counter says. “Just let me go get it.” 

“You know, Cloud,” a voice comes from his right. “You really shouldn’t be out alone.” 

Cloud goes ramrod straight, gripping the box hard and sudden enough that the bottles inside jostle and clink together. When he turns to look, it’s to see Sephiroth and Angeal looking at him with equal amounts of disapproval. It’s a shock at first, because he didn’t know if they’d ever approach him. But his shock is quickly replaced with annoyance.

Cloud crosses his arms and says, tone clipped, “I’m just doing a quick delivery. Nothing’s going to happen.” 

“They should’ve sent someone with you,” Sephiroth says. “Do I need to speak to these people you’re working for?” 

“No,” Cloud says, because he’s pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well, and also he’s perfectly _fine_. “I’m heading back right after this. I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“It’s not really safe for you out there,” Angeal states. 

“I don’t even remember what happened. So how am I supposed to know what or who to look out for? How would they?” Cloud says.

“It’s best if you stayed in sector seven,” Angeal says. 

“I’m not staying cooped up,” Cloud says. “Maybe if Zack would explain what’s going on.” 

Angeal sighs. “He’s not even sure himself. We’re still sorting things out. But you must stay safe.” 

“I’m tired of not knowing anything.” He’s tired of being left in the dark. Just one thing, he just wants to remember one little memory, at least.

“We’re doing our best,” Angeal assures. “Just give Zack time.” 

“I don’t know why he won’t let me help,” Cloud says.

“Because it would be careless to potentially put you in front of the very person who did this,” Sephiroth says. “Don’t be difficult.” 

Cloud huffs out a breath, turning back to the bartender as he walks up with what Cloud came for. “Fine,” he concedes with. “Whatever he wants, but tell him I’m not going to wait much longer.” 

It’s quiet for the longest moment. Cloud sets all the new bottles into the now empty box. After a moment, Angeal finally speaks up. “He just cares about you, Cloud. Try to trust him.” 

Cloud turns around, wants to say _he’s starting to make it difficult_ , but Angeal and Sephiroth are already walking away. 

\--

Cloud’s half asleep when he hears a knock on his door. He rubs his fist against his eye as he gets out of bed, slowly making his way to the door. Tifa’s on the other side wringing her hands together and rocking on her heels. 

“I need your help,” she says. “Nothing bad!” she adds when Cloud looks alarmed. “Tomorrow’s my date with Aerith finally, and I’m so nervous.”

“How can I help?” Cloud asks carefully. 

“I have three outfits to pick from. I just need an opinion.” 

He doesn’t know if he can help, but Tifa looks so frazzled that he ends up saying, “Okay.” 

As soon as that’s out of his mouth, Tifa starts tugging him next door. Her room is a lot nicer than Cloud’s. It’s the same layout, but she’s managed to turn a dark, small gray box of an apartment into something more warm and inviting. On her bed are three different outfits laid out. One is just a simple black dress, the second is one is a blue dress with a black lining, and the third is a red dress. 

“I have more, but I went with these three,” Tifa says. “Seems more like what I think she would like.” 

“You want my opinion?” Cloud asks. All three dresses are pretty. He’s not sure how or why his opinion matters. 

“Uh-huh,” Tifa says. “I don’t know which to go with, and the date’s tomorrow.” 

“The black dress,” Cloud goes with. It’s simple and nice enough, and he feels like maybe that one will work. 

Tifa claps her hands together, clearly happy with his choice. “You’re right! That works. Thanks, Cloud.” She brings up the dress and surveys herself in the mirror. She looks over to Cloud a moment later and says, “You probably want to go back to bed, right? Real sorry for bothering you.” 

“It’s fine,” Cloud assures, but Tifa starts ushering him out of her apartment, though, telling him to go back to bed already. When he’s back in his apartment, he manages a small smile. 

\--

Everything is dark. 

He can’t see a single thing, but his body feels like it’s being torn apart and put back together wrong. The pain is the only thing he can register. There’s no probing hands, no blurry faces and bodies, just the pinpricks of pain all over. He tries to move, but he can’t seem to get his limbs to work right. He tries again, over and over again, but to no avail. There’s a scream bubbling up at the back of his throat, but no sound manages to come out. 

And then the darkness starts receding ever so slowly, until there’s just a small splash of light. There’s a sharp pain and the feeling of whatever that’s constraining him tighten. He screams then, the sound finally breaking free.

He awakes with a jolt to the darkness of his room. His breaths are coming out in shallow pants. He still feels like there’s something on his arms, a phantom pain all along his body, but when he looks himself over there’s nothing there. 

He swings his legs over, bracing his arms against his legs as he attempts to catch his breath and reorient himself with his room. This one seemed worse than all the others he had. It still wasn’t clear in terms of making out details, but it felt clearer in a sense of feeling. The pain felt so real, that it’s hard to think that it was just a dream.

It has to be a memory. Whatever happened it must’ve been bad for him to feel the crippling sense of dread that he does. But as he thinks about it, trying to grasp at the many straws, he can’t grab hold of anything clear and concrete. His memory is still white static, as if it’s just out of reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter @fairestzack, tumblr @darkenednights, or on discord at darkenednights#4011!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! new chapter! some stuff starts finally happening this chapter. also there's one part that I was going to write, but that'll be for the start of chapter 7 instead. but PROGRESS! I still have this set to 15 chapters, but it may end up either still being 15 chapters or it'll end up longer than that. still unsure. 
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who left comments and kudos!!! I appreciate you all. also need to finish replying to all the comments. just know I do read them all and love every single one. THANK YOU.

Reno shows up at the bar again on a night Cloud’s working. Everyone else is currently down below, so Cloud’s up here manning the bar. Reno’s surprisingly not here with anyone, and he makes a show out of sitting down at the counter. He’s smirking as he does so, and Cloud really doesn’t like this guy and has no idea why Zack is even friends with him. Or maybe not really friends, but it seemed like they were at least semi-friendly. Work friends, he supposes. But Zack did say Reno was a good guy and meant well, no matter what his job description entailed. 

So Cloud just sighs and asks, “What do you want?” 

“Aw, Cloud,” Reno says. “You sound so happy to see me.” 

“What would you like to drink?” Cloud asks then, with a roll of his eyes. “That better?”

“A lot better, Blondie,” Reno says. “Just my usual, Cosmo Canyon.” 

Cloud fixes the drink quickly and slides it over to Reno, who picks it up and takes a quick sip. 

“So, Zack tells me you have amnesia,” Reno says after a moment. No build up, just comes right out and says it. Cloud startles at how quick Reno is to not beat around the bush. “You know, he kept the fact you were missing from me. I never really bought it, you know, because you two were pretty close. Kinda weird you weren’t around anymore. It’s also kinda my job to spot the bullshit, anyway.” 

“Zack says you’re to be trusted,” Cloud says. “He thinks he can trust you. Can he?” 

Reno swirls around his drink. “I know the Turks are kinda shady business. Shinra has us do all sorts of shit. But I can tell you not me or Rude knew anything. We don’t know a single thing about what happened to you.”

“I want to know what happened,” Cloud says. “Wish I could remember one thing. I’m about to go looking for myself, if Zack doesn’t find anything out soon.” 

“I know it sucks, but Cloud ya gotta wait,” Reno says. “Trust me when I say this. We need info first, then once we know what’s going on we can all take care of it, you included.” 

Cloud looks away, at where the paint is chipping on the bar counter. He nods, because it makes more sense when Reno says it. They need a plan first. But whatever the plan ends up being is taking way too long to come together. Not when Cloud’s frustrated that he still can’t remember much.

“Believe it or not,” Reno says. “But we were - Are friends. Never the best of friends, but we had some sort of respect for one another, despite arguments at times. Zack wants to be the knight in shining armor, but he’s gotta deal with it. There’s a lot of us who want justice for whatever happened to you. Mark my words, we will get it.” 

Cloud looks at the steely determination on Reno’s face, and surprisingly believes his words. He doesn’t remember whatever friendship they had, but somehow he still manages to believe what Reno is saying. There’s just something in his voice that makes him want to. 

“Alright,” Cloud says. “We’ll get through this.”

“Damn right we will.” Reno smiles, and then knocks back the rest of his drink. “Well I gotta get out of here, Rude’s probably wondering where I went. But you be careful, and tell Zack I said hi if you see him before I do.” With that, Reno leaves the bar with a wave. Cloud watches him go, hands gripping the edge of the counter. 

\--

Instead of meeting at any of their usual spots, Zack shows up in sector seven on a sleek, black motorcycle. Zack’s not wearing his SOLDIER attire, and instead is in jeans and a short sleeved shirt. 

“Change of plans, Spike,” Zack says, patting the space behind him. “Tonight we’re going up on the plate.”

“Where exactly is it that we’re going?” Cloud asks.

“Your apartment.” 

“What?”

“It’s still there. Made sure of it.” Zack pats the back of the bike again, grinning and says, “Come on, let’s go.”

Cloud hesitates for a moment, swallowing hard. He swings a leg over the back of the bike as he gets on. He hesitates again, his hands left hovering over Zack, feeling unsure where to place them. He must hesitate too long, because then Zack’s reaching back for his hands. His touch is gentle and careful like he’s almost afraid he’ll spook Cloud if he moves too fast. He moves Cloud’s hands to his waist, until Cloud’s arms are wrapped around him. Cloud swallows again, feeling suddenly nervous. 

“You’re gonna want to hold on tight,” Zack tells him and with that, they’re off. They whip through the slums before heading up the tunnels that take them up on the plate. Cloud holds on to Zack’s waist the entire time, and even ends up fighting the urge to lay his head against Zack’s back. 

It takes them a little bit to reach a tall apartment building. Zack ushers him through the doors of the building and then into an elevator that they take up to the fourth floor. The apartment that Zack claims belongs to Cloud is down a long hallway, situated at the end. It takes Zack a moment to find the right key for the apartment but when he does, he quickly unlocks the door.

The apartment is a lot bigger than where he’s staying in the slums. There’s a kitchen to his left when they walk in. The further they go, he sees a living room with a couch and a tv, and a door to the right that he assumes leads to a bedroom. There’s not a whole lot of furniture in the apartment. It’s simple, but it’s still nice, a lot nicer than most places he’s seen recently.

He notices that there’s pictures everywhere. Some are hung up and some are sitting on surfaces. He starts wandering around the living room, touching everything. He stops at one photo of him and Zack. As soon as he lays eyes on it, the breath leaves him on a loud, shaky exhale. Because in the photo Zack has his arms wrapped around him and they’re kissing. There’s two other photos next to it; one where they’re sitting close together, faces pressed together with grins on their faces and another where Cloud is very clearly sitting in Zack’s lap. They look so happy. 

Cloud reaches up, clutching at his head, because his head hurts. It’s in that moment that a memory hits him. It’s sudden and all encompassing, and Cloud feels overwhelmed. It was a bright day and they were sitting on Zack’s balcony. They had made ice cream sundaes and were enjoying a day off together, one they rarely managed to get. He remembers after they took the photos that Zack had smeared a dollop of whip cream on his face and had laughed so hard at the look on Cloud’s face before reeling him in for another kiss.

Cloud stands frozen in front of the pictures for the longest moment before he finally looks up. Zack is standing wide eyed a few feet away. “Why didn’t you say anything?” And it’s that moment that Cloud realizes that he’s crying. 

Zack doesn’t move. He stays standing right where he is, a few feet away, looking bewildered. “You remembered something?” Zack asks, eyes still so wide.

Cloud nods. It’s just one small memory in a sea of static, but it’s something at least. He wants to hold tight to it and never let go, because it was a nice memory. When Cloud starts wiping at his face, Zack finally moves over to him, enveloping him in a tight hug. Like he thinks Cloud might drift away if he doesn’t. Cloud buries his face in Zack’s chest and says, “We weren’t friends, were we?” 

Cloud feels it as Zack shakes his head. “No, well. We were years ago, but then that changed. We started dating three years ago.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Cloud asks again. 

“Didn’t want to take advantage of you,” Zack explains. “Thought you should remember things on your own time. I don’t even know what happened to you yet, I didn't want to do anything that would hurt you more.” 

Cloud takes a shuddering breath, pressing his face against Zack’s chest again. Zack’s arms are a comforting weight, grounding him. He feels so tired suddenly, but he doesn’t even know if they could stay here any longer. But he really just wants to lay down, try to regain his bearings before they go back down to the slums. Even if this place just feels like too much. Zack must be able to read him well - and maybe that’s a good enough clue there that they weren’t just friends - because Zack starts directing him to the bedroom. As soon as he walks in, he can immediately tell it hasn’t been used in a long time. Although there’s a few signs that someone’s been here sometimes at least.

He wonders if Zack came here from time to time while Cloud was missing. The thought pulls at his heartstrings. 

Zack pulls him down onto the bed, tucking Cloud close to him until Cloud’s resting his head on Zack’s chest. He feels safe right here, even despite everything possibly going on around them. That, in itself, should be a clue enough for him. To cement that idea that Zack’s what, his boyfriend? It’s not even the first time he’s felt like this, either. Maybe he should’ve paid more attention to the signs in front of him. To the times Zack came so close to saying things, only to cover them up quickly.

It’s been right in front of him this whole time, hasn’t it? 

Below him, Zack makes a noise. “So, uh, what did you remember?” 

“We were eating ice cream and you smeared whipped cream on my face,” Cloud says. “Then kissed me.”

“Hm, yeah that’s a good memory,” Zack muses, his hands rubbing soothing circles on Cloud’s back. “Is that all you remembered? Nothing else?” 

“No,” Cloud says. “That’s it.” 

“It’s okay,” Zack says. “It’s a good sign at least, right? We’ll get there.” 

“Yeah,” Cloud agrees, although he’s not sure about any of it. It’s weird how he managed to remember something after looking at photos of them together, but didn’t have anything come back to him when he first saw Zack face to face or at any of the moments of them hanging out and talking. Why is it that that does it? Why now? None of it makes sense. 

Then the dreams he keeps having. Both the nightmares that are more frequent, and the good ones that made no sense to him until now. The soft caresses, the gentle hands against his back and face were Zack’s. 

“It’s safe here, if you want to rest for a little bit,” Zack says after a moment, shaking Cloud from his thoughts. 

Cloud didn’t think he was tired enough to sleep, but now that they’re laying here he’s starting to feel the gentle pull of it. It’s actually nice laying here with Zack, wrapped up in his arms. He kinda doesn’t want to disturb this at all, wants to stay right where he is. So maybe a little bit of shut eye will be okay, just for a little bit. He only has one concern, though.

“Tifa needs to know where we’re at,” Cloud says, a little sleepily. He yawns against Zack’s chest, burying his face against him. “She’ll get worried.”

“Already taken care of,” Zack says. “She knows what we’re doing. I told her the other day what I wanted to do. So we’re good.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“Uh-huh. Plus I just texted her, so she knows we’ll be out later,” Zack assures him. “If you want to rest, go for it.” 

“Okay.” Cloud yawns again, and smiles against Zack’s chest when he feels Zack’s arms tighten around him. Eventually, Cloud finds himself falling asleep, a lot faster than he’s fallen asleep in awhile. There’s just something safe and soothing about Zack. He likes how he feels being held close by him, and doesn’t want to move at all.

He’ll just take a short nap, and then they’ll head back down to the sector seven slums.


End file.
